All the Fun I Can Muster

My week has been an absolute blast. I've reveled in the full range of fall activities and really gotten a good fill of enjoyment.

Highlights:

Carving jack-o-lanterns with our Home Evening group.

The Haunted Mill (ok, so that was last week, but I'm still giddy).

Costume dance party Friday Night in the basement of the Hemming Village shopping plaza. It was super crowded and sauna hot, and the fire dept. showed up to enforce fire-code regulations (I guess we had too many people in there).

Costume dance party at the Legacy flight museum. This party was SO much fun! Afterwards, me and my friends Riley, Kat, and Alicia defied curfew (yes) and went to Denny's.

When life seems too good, something always happens to bring your head out of the clouds.
In this case, my head must've caught a cold up there in the clouds (not a huge surprise after all the close contact with a bunch of sweaty dancing college kids). I woke up this morning stuffy, congested, and with the unmistakable grogginess that can only mean one thing: it's a sick day.

I love and I hate sick days. I've never taken a sick day when I wasn't sick. Blame that on my genes. So while a sick day means a day full of dilly-dallying, lounging, eating whatever sounds good, and sleeping, it also means that you can't fully enjoy it because you are sick. I still try and make the positive aspects of it outweigh the awful symptoms (sniffle, blow, toss tissue, continue).
It's a warm enough day that I may just go take a walk in the park. Getting the blood circulating always seems to do some good. Plus, it gets me out of the house and the fresh air has to be good for me.

So what have I been doing on this day of sickness? Well, I ventured out all bundled in my coat and beanie (which I still haven't taken off) to WalMart where I bought some pills, some cough drops, and lotion-infused tissues.

Whenever I bring that combo of items to a cashier, I have to wonder if it scares them. I half expect them to pull out a respirator and latex gloves, and say a quick prayer that I'll pay with a card so they don't have to handle cash that I've touched.

If my cashier was apprehensive today, she did an amazing job not showing it. It makes me wonder about the bravery of ordinary, everyday people. Anyway...

I've also been downloading some songs I've been wanting, reading my sister's blog (that in itself is making me feel better), checking out people's pictures from the weekend, and contemplating checking out Pinterest.

I haven't yet started a movie. I usually stick to 3 choices when I'm sick: You've Got Mail, The Princess Bride, or Phantom of the Opera. I think it's Phantom for sure this time.

But after that I may venture beyond my usual choices in an attempt to fool myself into thinking I'm not really sick and that I'm just having a fun day at home. I'm feeling kind of "Clue" vibe.

What do you do when you're sick?

Lessons

I feel bad: not the weepy, remorseful, sickened, self-loathing sort of bad (though the Phantom get-up may give that impression). It's fairly mild, but present nonetheless so I'm writing about it.
I hope this makes sense as I divulge an explanation.
The reason for the feeling is that I have left some things undone. I have a tendency to focus on the here and now far too much, and anything remote or quiet or non-demanding gets shoved aside, even when I care about it. I'm sure some of you know what I'm talking about, but deal with the tendency in a much better way.
I just checked my Yahoo mail. I had 136 unread emails. Talk about neglect. There were letters from friends and loved ones, loving notes from my mom and a letter from my sister who is in the MTC. I think I should probably close that account and have you all change to my gmail address, which I check nearly every day.
Along those same lines comes this lesson:
I had to go talk with my Calculus professor. He's an awesome guy, very cheerful, knowledgeable, approachable, and down-to-earth. Here's the situation: his class has no deadlines for homework. It's up to you to tackle class material in preparation for class discussion and exams. So there is no deadline to drive you to act; it's up to you to learn.
I like that, and at the same time, it's hard. My academic history has taught me to focus on the things that require work with deadlines attached. I hate that, but it's the hard reality. If I don't have a deadline, I let a task float in the back of my mind and bother me, not to the point of action, just a constant hum of mental nagging, "you really should get that done". Then I swat the idea away, as if it were a mosquito buzzing in my ear, and move on, working away to meet a deadline for something else.
Does anyone else see the flaw?
My instructor pointed it out for me:
Some of the most important things in life do not come with deadlines.
For example, children don't come with deadlines. There is no deadline saying that "by ____ date, by 6:00pm, you need to have taught your child the importance of honesty". Does that mean that your child will go through life never learning that important lesson? Let's hope not.
We have to learn how to prioritize those things without deadlines so that we devote ample time in their direction because they are important to us. Deadlines help us accomplish things and society wouldn't be driven to the level of efficiency that it maintains without that structure, but time-management requires some personal decisions and some real balancing and prioritizing.
For me, that means that I need to spend at least 6 (probably more, but I know that's not gonna happen) hours on Calculus each week. It also means that I should plan out times to take care of other important things, like talking to the people I care about, even if they live hundreds of miles away and I don't have to have it done by a certain time.
Has it taken me this long to realize this principle? No, it's a fairly simple fact. It has taken some real experience though for it to sink in and stick.
That being said, I'm excited about life. It's my favorite time of year right now (despite the Rexburg chill) and this weekend is sure to be filled with fun adventures. Halloween is Monday and I'll be writing about it soon-ish thereafter. (The picture above is a preview of coming distractions)
If I neglected your email, I'm really sorry. There's no valid excuse. The truth is that I let deadlines suck my attention away from things I care about. Let's hope that by the end of the semester I have satisfactory grades to end all deadlines pertaining to this school and come home for some quality time with you.

It Feels Autumnal

It's October. You know this, but it finally feels like October. The leaves are all changing, the wind is chilly, pumpkins are appearing on porches, and I updated the playlist on my blog.
I went to my second haunted attraction of the season on Saturday night: Dr. Slaughter's House of Terror in Idaho Falls. It was fun. It wasn't quite as good as people had made it out to be. I still like the Haunted Mill the most. I have yet to go, but I can't wait.
Idaho really has a lot of options when it comes to Haunted attractions. And most of them are really reasonably priced. I've discovered that I love to be scared. Not scared in general, just the kind of scared you experience when you're expecting it and know that what's scaring you is not really dangerous. I love the feeling of being frightened.

I really have the urge to go out and explore some of the little ghost-towns out in the outskirts of Rexburg. I don't know why I get so thrilled over that sort of thing, but I do.
I'm updating my iPhone's software right now. It's the big IOS5. It's supposed to be mind-blowing amazing. I should know by later tonight if that's really the case. I'm sure I'll love it. It's crazy what I can do with that phone.
In less than a month, I'll reach my third decade. That is so crazy to me. I told my friend I'd be 30 in November. He said, "You're OLD!" I don't feel old. I feel young. In fact, I don't think the number says much about my age. Old and young are matters of perspective. To students here, 30 is old. To those my parents' age, 30 is the prime of youth. I say that I feel young and nobody can convince me I'm not. One day I'll be old. But I don't know if I'll ever act like it.
So I am now completely excited that it's fall. I hope to have plenty more exciting fun things to write about all throughout this month. Stay tuned.

Feeling at Home

I’m on a mini-sabbatical. I’m ditching out on a week of school and I’m okay with that.
I needed to be home. I needed to see my family in person. I needed to hear their voice, see their face, feel their arms around me. I needed to touch the hand of my new tiny nephew. I needed to spend some time with my Ju before she is gone to the island of Cebu for a year and a half.
Sometimes, when you are determined to do the things you need, other things, like school, are pushed to the back-burner. And you know what? That’s all right. When I get back from my trip, school will still be there, as stress-ridden and busy and wonderful as it always has been.
And now, a few other thoughts.
Here are a few little things I love:
-the warmth of candlelight
-the sound of trickling water
-the smells of autumn
-fresh soft towels
-rainy days
-a good book with a comfy chair and blanket
Once in a while, a list like this forms in my mind, and I just sweep it out onto the page.
It’s good to be home. It’s good to hear all the sounds I’m accustomed to. This morning, I woke up completely disoriented. I thought, where am I? This isn’t my bed. What is going on? It’s funny how your mind settles into a routine and when that routine is altered, it really throws you off. It took a good 20 seconds for me to realize where I was.
I feel refreshed. I’ve been able to stop and see the new baby calves in our herd, see our horses, taste the sweet corn my family raises, breathe in the scent of freshly-cut hay, and the approach of a rainstorm, and hear the sound of the tractor go by the house. These are the sensations that set things right. These are the feelings of home. This has been my therapy. (And Cat’s hot tub helps too)

It's Go Time!

I have a lot on my mind. I figured I should sit down and write about it; that always helps me to sort things out and let my mind stop mulling it over.
The past two weeks have been, and I do not exaggerate, the absolutely most stressful time of my life.
I've been told, and I'd have to agree, that I'm normally the calm one amidst any chaos. The past two weeks dissolved that cool constitution into a more frenzied and anxious version of myself.
I can sit down and write about it now, because I've braved the worst of it and worked through things. I want to sort of spell out all that's happened, just so you'll have an idea of where I'm coming from. This is not a "surprise, you were expecting a blog post and instead got thrown into a pity-party!" I'm trying to avoid that tone; as I said, the worst is past. And I'm now calm, collected, relaxed ...ish.

First, I only just yesterday finalized my schedule for the semester. I'd visited the Academic Advising center 3 times, each time I got a different take on my situation. On my last visit, their conclusion was that I was 1 credit short of graduating and that I had no other choice but to come back to school for another full semester to finish one credit. I explained what that implied for me and asked if there wasn't anything else they could do. They wouldn't budge. I think they're trained to respond that way.
So in despair, I went to a miracle-working man who is the chair of the geology department, Dan Moore. He looked things over and within a 5 minute visit, he had signed his name to a paper authorizing a change that would allow me to graduate in December. He had also, in that brief time given me some sound advice about weathering life's storms, what steps I should take to prep for grad school, and how to cope with challenges. He really merits the title "game changer".
Two weeks back, on Friday, I noticed an itch in my throat. I checked things out in the mirror and realized my tonsils were bright red and swollen. So I went to the student health center. They tested me for mono and strep. And then tested me for mono again 5 days later. Both tests were negative. So I'm fighting some sort of sinus infection, taking antibiotics since the steroids they gave me didn't seem to help the inflammation.
I got a call last week from the secretary of the VP of the University. One worries when one gets such a call -even if one hasn't done anything they think would merit such a visit. My mind was busy reviewing all my recent actions, scrutinizing every act that might have been out of line with what the university expects. The anticipation of that visit tormented me for a full day. On the day of the appointed visit, I called the secretary to see if I could get the interview moved up: I couldn't endure the wait any longer. An hour later, I was in his office having a chat. He's an amazing man and he approached the issue as "I'm sure I can learn a few things from you and I'd like to teach you a few things if I can." The issue at hand: I posted a picture of a campus banner on my facebook page, having added a twist to it by throwing in an additional line to the message on the banner. All that agonizing over something I had considered so laughable.
On top of that, I hadn't yet received my financial aid funds, and I was feeling the squeeze.
I was taking 5 classes, all labor-intensive.
I got called in for an interview with the Stake President. He talked a bit with me, and then instead of issuing me a call explained that he could tell that this semester was not the semester for me to take on a calling. The interview was to extend a call, but he decided not to even issue it. I didn't want to have to refuse a calling. I was saying an honest prayer of thanks on the walk home from that meeting.
There's more to the list, but I think this paints enough of the scene for you. One of the beautiful things about life is that things end. Tonight, for the first time in almost 2 weeks, I am able to breathe easy; my stomach is not in knots, and I am smiling. I have to send a thank you to those people in my life who have empathy, to those who listen patiently while I spill my woes, to those who send much-appreciated aid my way. You know who you are, and your timing is uncanny. If you take anything from this, it's that life will send you Hell sometimes. But Heaven is still where it's always been, and it's closer than you think. The phrase "this too shall pass" is really a wonderful truth (and it sounds best when said in the voice of Sister Encarnacion).
Now, onto something else. I recently read "The Help". Now, my usual book choice is chosen from the classics. I rarely pick up a modern best-seller, because a lot of the time they provide entertaining reading, but nothing very meaningful or worthwhile. The Help was the surprise of the year for me. It was endearing from the first chapter. I was able to finish it in three days. After reading a few chapters, I got an idea. I added the "Patsy Cline" station to my Pandora list. I found it to be an ideal mix of music for playing in the background as I read. The day I finished reading, I knew I had to send the book on to my sister. So that afternoon, I packaged it and sent it. She read it and passed it on. While I did yearn a bit to hang onto it, I wanted even more to share it. If you have any interest in reading at all, read it. And pass it on. It's full and deep and will get you thinking and laughing, loving and crying. It's a book that touches you deeply.
Now, I make an announcement. I am taking a trip. I've been trying to announce this to my family over the phone, but haven't gotten an answer yet, so it's being blogged first. I'm heading down to Salt Lake City for general conference weekend. I'm spending the weekend with my besties Perla and Misty. I can't tell you how excited I am for that. And on Sunday, I'll leave my car in the care of friends in Utah and I'll travel with my Perla and Misty straight to Arizona! I can't express how excited I am. I need to see my sister Ju before she leaves for her mission. I explained this decision to one of my instructors, and she totally agreed with my choice. (Her name is Sister Hansen, and she is amazing).
So for at least 4 days I'll get to be in Joseph City sort of taking a break from school and enjoying a long-overdue visit with the people and places I love the most. I know that after a few days on the road, I'll miss my Rexburg friends, I'll miss my bed, I'll miss the gym, and I might even miss school. When I get back to Rexburg, it will be October. And despite any reason school gives me to fret, I will have plenty of reasons to be content, to be calm amidst the storm.

Seasons

I suppose it's time for another entry.

I spent the majority of today lounging around in my bedroom watching movies. The reason? My tonsils are red, inflamed, and swollen. I don't really feel sick, except for the fact that it hurts to swallow. This set in on Friday night and I think I might go in and have it checked out at the Student Health Center tomorrow morning since it shows no sign of clearing up.

Isn't that life for you? You have a beastly first week of classes, and instead of a weekend of recovery, you are fighting sickness and stacks of homework. I keep trying to focus on the positive.

After being in my room nearly all day, I had to venture out. A walk gets me out of the house, gets me some fresh air, fresh imagery, and gets the blood circulating. It was refreshing to notice the subtle beginnings of autumn approaching. I love the fall season. I only hope my school schedule will allow me to enjoy it, at least a little.

My walk was just over 3 miles and at the perfect time in the early evening to catch the prime warmth and glow of the setting sun, enjoy the hint of breeze, take in the smells and sounds of the outdoors, and stop at a few bridges to sit and watch the water flow in the canal.

I know I had more to say ...

Oh, yeah. One of the coolest things happened this week: the reunion of Team 109. All my pre-mission roommates from the Fall of 2008 are now home from their missions and are all now back at school here! We met for dinner Wednesday night and had a blast just reminiscing on old times/inside jokes, and getting caught up. How did I get so lucky that semester? We were all really good friends. I've had some great roommates since, some that I've become great friends with, but never since that semester has the whole apartment been 100% awesome like that.

Speaking of roommates, I feel 100% isolated at the moment. All of my roommates except one are big time geeks. I am not exaggerating. I don't feel I can relate to any of these guys, except one. The one exception is the one I share a room with. He is really easy going and down-to-earth and considerate. But he's also engaged, and his fiance has a house here in town. So he is never around, except to sleep.

I think I need to start planning to spend more time on campus. Because sharing an enclosed space with 4 sci-fi/computer/gaming enthusiasts is just starting to make me cranky. I keep telling myself it will all be over in 12 weeks; that still seems a long way off.

I finished reading the book "The Help" this week. I haven't enjoyed a book that deeply in years. I'm usually not one to go for more modern novels, especially those that are super popular. But this book was well worth reading. I was amazed by what I found in it. I finished it within a week, and I highly recommend it.

I am still awaiting financial aid money. When it comes, I can book a flight down to Arizona. There is a danger in this: if I go to Arizona, I'll have to leave it again. And I may not want to.

By the way, I've decided something this week: I am not going straight to grad-school after graduation. I know it's not the conventional thing to do, but it is my choice. I need a mental break and some time to shift focus for a bit. Since I can, I will. Now I've got to find a job. The world is open, and I'm ready to seize it.

So that's it. The season for feeling like it's my last semester.

It Begins

Today was the first day of my last semester (fingers doubly-crossed) here at BYU-Idaho. I don't usually like to share things that make you fret, so please don't. I'm only writing this because this is my online journal, and it's my creative outlet. Right now, my stomach is in knots. I'm stressed. It's nothing I can't manage, but if it's prolonged, I may need some sort of professional help (I need Ramses!). Here's what's on my plate: 7:45am Calculus II 9:00am A computer programming course ( I don't care to remember the name) 10:15 am Physics. Again. Yipee. 11:30am Persuasion. I have friends in all of the classes except persuasion (which is a comm class). I know that 'ere long I will have enough friends in that class too. Of all those courses, the only one that excites me is persuasion. It will undoubtedly be my saving grace, refreshing my mind and bringing excitement to my academic realm. That does it for classes. Now, I've also been given the opportunity to be a student coordinator over talent exploration activities on campus. That means that I oversee all the managers of things on campus like dance workshops, writers workshops, stadium singing, ...yeah. Totally voluntary, and a fun thing to be involved in, but one more thing to take care of. And I've had two phone-calls in the past week, both of them from the executive secretaries of two different stakes. The first was to confirm that I was still a "student rep" for the Institute of Religion in Rexburg (a calling I got a year ago, and never had any follow-up contact about). They still want me to do that calling, whatever it is. And the second call came today from my own stake. I find out tomorrow what joyous calling they are considering adding to my life. Did I mention that I work? And that I donate plasma? And that I am still waiting on my financial aid funds to be made available? The reason for my stress, in this instance is that my current world involves all give and no take. Dear stake president, please say just kidding. Ok. So the photo at the top is what I've currently got as the desktop background on my computer. Sometimes images can do so much to enhance my mood. When I see that photo, it's a reminder that I do, in fact, love the fall season. I love the smells, the change in temperature, the colors, the fun. It reminds me that the holidays are right down the road, and with them, family and friends. The photo below is what's hanging (a photo-on-canvas print) on my bedroom wall. I, in the years of transferring my belongings from one apartment to the next, have learned not to decorate. It's a sad reality that bare walls are much less hassle when moving time comes around. But I saw this piece of wall-art at Ross. It was ten dollars, and that made the decision easy. It's now adding some warmth and life to my once bare off-white wall. I'll end with that. Any good stress-management insights? Feel free to share them!